Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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