I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
