oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
two words: eviction party
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
