Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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