Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
