dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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