I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
