I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
