We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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