apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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