so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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