My nipple is on Facebook.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
