So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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