Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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