I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
