he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
