I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Girls should come with a carfax report
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
