Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
