dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
