I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
