I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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