but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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