After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
