a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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