her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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