There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
