I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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