he shaved USA in his pubs
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
