The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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