Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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