No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
