i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
