i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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