she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
