He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
