im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
