I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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