I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
