I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
