So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
