there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
