I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
