I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
