The maid of honor just puked.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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