Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
