I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
