I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
