New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
