His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
