i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well you can't waste a boner
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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