I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize
